so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
