i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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