i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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