respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
