Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
