What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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