Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
