did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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