just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
