you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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