So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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