I wish you could order shots online.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
