Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
