new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
