We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
