Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
