U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
