I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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