Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
