The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
