Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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