my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
