I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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