Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he fucked my hip out of place.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
