so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
