Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
