so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
