At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
