something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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