so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
