I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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