just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
