and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She told me I should be a condom model.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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