Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
