I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
