wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
