why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
