And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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