I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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