I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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