3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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