He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
