There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
