What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
