Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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