This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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