Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
3pm strippers are depressing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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