You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
