she woke up with a sticky ear
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
