he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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