my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
