I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
