i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
