I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
