We named our party play list daddy issues
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
