"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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