Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
