Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You can't special order awesome
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
