i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
