Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
