we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
