I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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