i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
