Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
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The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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