You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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