I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
