i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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