how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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