Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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