Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
