How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
