That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
