somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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