We're facebook friends in real life
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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