Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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