I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
