i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
