Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
