i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
